Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
