omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
