i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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