Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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