i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
