I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
please don't ironically join a cult
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