i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
