OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
