well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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