Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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