Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
