I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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