I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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