One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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