the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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