Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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