Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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