it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
