how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
