I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
