You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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