It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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