I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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