Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i think im in europe. pls send help
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
