hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
