Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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