I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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