I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
