we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
