Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
