That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize