It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
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i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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