new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
