im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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