There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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