I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
