At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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