I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
