yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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