Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
