First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
