theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
