Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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