Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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