he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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