I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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