I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
