I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
