the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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