My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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