hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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