oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
