No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
