Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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