last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
