Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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