Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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