Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
