Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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