it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
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This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
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I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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