Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
