dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.