Is that why you're texting me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....