no, he came in my armpit
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.