i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I party with great urgency now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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